Currently the debate swirls around whether or not we are free to speak what we want - including telling others to kill themselves, and other people are responsible for their actions - including killing themselves.
I'm not going to speak on all the legal technicalities of the history of this case, but will write on the mental health and behavioral health considerations which I deal with as a domestic violence counselor.
One of the things abusers and manipulators become very skilled at in domestic violence and even sexual abuse is abusing without even touching someone.
With sexual abuse, you do not actually have to touch someone in order to sexually abuse them - exposing yourself to them alone can and does constitute sexual abuse in many many cases. It can be traumatic and be used as a threat. Making lewd comments and suggestive sexual remarks is prosecutable in the work-place, school environments and even within families. Individuals may struggle with their own sexuality and their relationships be affected long after the fact from these types of behaviors.
But in a non-sexual context, abusive words and suggestions can be just as damaging and are often used to destroy others psychologically. Words can be used to threaten, intimidate, devalue, demean, create hopelessness, helplessness, fear, and any other number of negative side effects for the victim - think bullying as well. Usually in domestic violence, the actual physical violence part is but a very small part of the abusive pattern and situation. Usually words and looks and physical postures are used to reinforce the idea and message that the victim is helpless, defenseless, worthless, and that it is best for her to submit to the whims of the abuser in order to "control her life" to avoid further harm.
That being said, words are recognized and researched and have been shown to to be very damaging and do have and can have an impact on others.
Even the Stanley Milgram experiment explored the role of authority and perceived authority on human behavior. Though participants in the study weren't forced to "harm" the others in the experiment, the participants succumbed to perceived authority and complied with things that they otherwise found morally objectionable. The Nazis, for example as a high-profile, historical example knew these principles very well and used them to build and control the 3rd Reich, in combination with all the other abuses they used.
This being said, the fact is, we impact others with our behaviors and our actions and don't have to use a gun to do it. We very rarely do and abusers know this fact very well - go to any prison and you will find the inmates have figured out how to control others without actual physical force and are very skilled at it.
And we need to not only know this but take responsibility for it in our personal lives.
We do not have to hold a position of police officer, military general, or president of the united states to influence others. We all have some degree of influence on and over others in all areas of our lives, whether we want to admit it or not, and whether someone is emotionally troubled, vulnerable or exploitatable or not.
The role of girlfriend? That holds significant power. Significant influence. So the argument that she didn't make him do anything completely dismisses the role of her relationship to him, the power and influence she held in his life, his psyche, his heart, his emotions.
If one of my clients who has been convicted for domestic battery had engaged in this behavior, the courts would recognize that they were re-offending and again engaging in abusive behaviors and legal consequences would follow.
So the notion of her texting him really doesn't diminish her influence -we live in a social media age where people fall in love, propose, set up dates, respond to jobs - all via text. People get upset over things written on facebook as well. Stalkers harass, threaten, intimidate via text as well - so to say that texts hold no power is absolutely untrue. (Part of the story talked about her texting from a number of miles away, as if that is any different from texting one mile or one block away....she was still communicating in the role of a trusted and close relationship).
I'm always leery of when abusers blame medication, drugs or alcohol for their behaviors. One of the questions I ask my clients is, if the drugs and alcohol or medication were to blame, why didn't they assault a police officer, or go engage in sexual relations with a farm animal (or some other repugnant act). I routinely get told "I didn't want to get killed by the cop" or "I was high but not THAT high."
Well....then you had control and this was still a choice, you were still aware of what you were doing. Why wasn't she texting others to kill themselves as well? Probably because she knew it wouldn't work. But that's just speculation but an interesting question that helps us get a better view of her choices and behaviors.
So her attorneys did try the"prescription medication defense" but I view it as am excuse...blaming.
The point being she was using her position as his girlfriend and talking to an emotionally vulnerable child to help facilitate him killing himself.
I might look at this differently had she called 9-1-1 or notified people of the danger he was in but that wasn't present indicating that this was deliberate though not very intelligent in that she left a trail of texts behind her that were going to implicate her ultimately.
So whether she was mentally culpable or not, this would still not be someone you would want running around free in society and who knowingly influenced him to kill himself or she wouldn't have been sending the texts she was to help influence and persuade him to death.
Words and relationships have power, and when you are telling someone to continue killing themselves when they are already clearly off balance, you are now responsible for your role and influence in that and every other setting.
Even as a mental health counselor I am legally obligated to recognize my influence and even power in the lives of my clients in my relationship to them. Whether I have training or a higher degree of legal responsibility doesn't matter so much as the fact that yes, words, and text, and all other interactions and communications do affect people, educational degree or not.
And we, and she, and the court system, need to recognize this and act accordingly and hold people responsible for these things.
Until we do...we're going to keep having a lot of the problems we do in society with an ineffective legal system that confuses lethal and harmful abuse with "free speech."
The one thing I would also say as a counselor working with abusive relationships is that I don't believe for a second her role with him in terms of abuse was confined to those texts. There were other things going on with her as well that led up to this and that's typical and common in these scenarios. I didn't see the defense of "this was just a one freak thing" used, but experience has shown me that is never the case.
If one of my clients made the assertion that "I tried to help her....and then urged her to commit suicide" I would not be any less concerned than if they simply urged someone to commit suicide. The previous actions don't undo the final actions or lessen the impact or outcomes. For the record, most abusers see themselves and portray themselves as helpful and kind people so it's not surprising that an attorney would take up this defense as well and try to play to the "good" she supposedly did before he killed himself and she urged him to do it.
And to anyone who engages in any sort of abuse, I would also say, whether you're rehabilitated or taken responsibility for your choices or have apologized, you still have to live with this the rest of your life.
You will always be the person who once did these things.
They will always have been your victim.
They will always have once been harmed by you.
That will never change.
In closing - here's a video of a teen suicide that nobody forced but yet a series of influences led to. We are all vulnerable or can be made to be so. We need to use our freedoms (including speech) responsibly and not to harm, and be accountable for what we do.
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