Using Timelines and Police Reports to Develop Accountability in Domestic Abusers

While the Idaho Council on Domestic Violence and Victim Assistance (ICDVVA) has certain language regarding "intervention" and "treatment" for the purpose of this article, the word "treatment" will be used simply to describe the court-mandated interactions in the clinical setting for domestic abusers. All treatment and therapy needs to be client-centered, and the clinician needs to use their individual skills and assessments to determine how to be most effective with clients.  What follows is simply one tool / method I've found to help me as a clinician fulfill the mandates of accountability and to sort through the often non-linear, error-laden thinking of clients surrounding their criminal offenses and abusive behaviors within the particular program I work with. 

As of the writing of this article, the ICDVVA guidelines on Domestic Batterer Treatment state that treatment, or intervention, courses are to consist of a minimum of 52 ninety-minute sessions.  Generally this takes place over 52 weeks with the expectation that these will be completed within 15 months of sentencing.  Abusers typically have some deeply ingrained thinking errors and negative-core beliefs about themselves, responsibility for behaviors, relationships and others, that it easily takes three to six months just to begin to see some acceptance of beliefs other than their own or insight into their own thought processes.

Group therapy is recognized as one of the most effective modes of treatment for criminal behavior as it allows offenders who have progressed farther in treatment to model healthy behavior for newer members, as well as providing additional insight, experience and accountability factors with the combined group experience that simply can't be provided in an individual setting regardless of the therapist's credentials and experience.  Additionally, many offenders would prefer individual therapy so as to avoid having to feel exposed to others, believing that their offenses were unique and therefore require special treatment - all in an effort to continue to escape responsibility for their actions and in an attempt to avoid seeing themselves "like other criminals" and be confronted with the reality of their offenses - common to narcissist thinking and traits.

As part of the intake procedures for treatment it is strongly recommended that the therapist obtain a copy of the police incident report for the instant offense, and a domestic batterers evaluation where possible.

In my training and experience I've found that the police reports are an indispensible part of treatment and my professional reccomendation is that treatment providers do not allow individuals to start treatment without receiving all that are available for their violent offenses.  The reasons for this are several fold.

First, central features of abusive behavior are dishonesty, denial, minimization, rationalization and blame.  With a police report, a therapist can actually confront an abuser on the actual offense rather than relying on the abuser's account, and the desire to avoid accountability for their behaviors, and thereby confront thinking errors and a host of other criminogenic thinking - all a part of developing accountability.

But a central part of the treatment that I've learned to use is the "processing" (cognitively) of the abuser's police incident reports.

With a 52 session sentence, the processing is typically done about the halfway point when possible, about 26 weeks, but typically not before.

Up until that time, they will have seen other's process their police reports, have had significant time to participate and learn the different types of abuse and thinking errors associated with their abuse.  The actual processing consists of a time when the therapist reads the relevant parts of their police report and the victim's statements and the investigation out loud in the group.  The therapist will ask them to elaborate on their thinking at the time, how it impacted their victim, controlling behaviors through the report.

This is important for several reasons - one of the main being that this is often the first time in their lives where they haven't gotten to control what others hear about the offense and abusive behavior or how it's presented in its entirety - for those who have power and control issues and narcissistic tendencies and traits, this can be very critical to their growth and development.

But in addition to having it presented, it gives them a chance to demonstrate what they've learned in treatment about abusive behaviors, the impact on victims, and victim thinking, and apply it specifically to their own case and all aspects relevant to the expected outcomes of treatment.  It gives them a chance to be accountable, as well as for others who may be thinking that they are "different" to see the common patterns of abuse in a real-life setting beyond simply having material from a textbook or homework presented.  This experience is where senior-group members being accountable is an excellent modeling tool for those newer to treatment.

Additionally, as abusers often have a tendency to discredit others' views because they "aren't correct" or exactly the way they remember it they are therefore invalid and once again the abuser becomes the "victim" (another symptom of power and control issues).  Having the police reports with the different interpretations gives the abusers a chance to experience having to sit through listening to someone else's views and experiences without being able to change and control the narrative - as well as demonstrate accountability or even experience remorse as they will often add and share details that aren't in the reports.

Unfortunately, there are times when individuals may go to process their police report and may still be engaging in thinking errors and impression management.  Often with heavy and chronic substance use and abuse issues, or even simply lower functioning individuals, non-linear thinking or even attempts to avoid accountability with irrelevant details in an attempt to confuse others so as to avoid dealing with their behaviors is a common issue.

At this point I've found an invaluable tool in the clinic is a large (as large as I could find) white-board with dry erase markers (as many colors as I can find).  When I begin to hear signs and symptoms of unaccountability or attempts to avoid responsibility or even difficulties following linear thinking, I've found it helpful to begin writing their statements on the board for everyone to see (and even use different colors for different aspects/thoughts/issues).  This allows them the opportunity to see what they are saying and focus on accountable use of language, severely cuts down on the ability to deny or blame (or other thinking errors), but also have the relevant lessons applied to their thinking, or any contradictions spelled out right in front of them as well as for the rest of the group. 

But in addition to this, I've found that making a time-line of their accounts allows me to further pin down any inconsistencies or attempts to dissemble in group as well as get a better idea of where they are cognitively - and compare the timeline to the police incident reports - and it gives them a visual so that they can understand what they may need to focus on in order to make treatment successful for them.  Or, it can provide the therapist a visual as to why this particular treatment may not be effective for them (especially if they are still blaming the victim or resistant to treatment still) and they may need to be referred out try another approach (e.g. Moral Recognition Therapy) or why it may be recommended that their treatment be extended so they can learn the required principles from treatment to successfully graduate.

The processing of the police report can take multiple 90-minute sessions depending on what else needs to be addressed in the session or depending on the needs of the group. 

After the processing of the police report, a review of their self-reported abusive behaviors on the RAVEN/Violence and Abuse Inventory in their intake packet is performed with the group being asked to be able to identify how each of the acknowledged behaviors is a form of abuse and what type of abuse it is (i.e. emotional, blocking, physical, threats, intimidation, economic etc.).

As always, there is no silver bullet to develop accountability or even stop abuse.  However, most clients I have seen, who have reported feeling that their time in treatment is a success, state that the processing of their police reports, as well as the time to focus on them individually within the group and focus on their specific case and history were invaluable to them.  While the processing of the police report is a required part of treatment in the program I work in, the use of the white-board may be done on an as-needed basis, with the additional bonus that I can use what's on the board for my progress reports.

In the end, there are often sensitive parts in the police report that are not appropriate to share in group or may be irrelevant to their abusive behaviors (e.g. gender identity issues).  The processing of police incident reports, like most other practices in therapy, is something that's best learned from someone who has experience in making it a successful part of the treatment process and I wouldn't recommend it be done without it.  However, when it comes to client-based therapy and identifying issues central to their thinking and history, as well as identifying whether or not treatment is working or cutting through the issues for more resistant or difficult clients, the processing of the police incident reports combined with the use of the visual of the white board can be one of the more effective tools in developing accountability in treatment for domestic violence.

Why Domestic Violence Can't Be / Shouldn't Be Treated by Couples Counseling

(It is noted that there are female abusers, and I facilitate groups that are devoted solely to treating them, but for this entry the abusers are referred to as male and the victims as female).

In domestic violence relationships, the thinking often is that if they can work on something together as a couple, they can heal the marriage and relationship.  As a result, well-wishing friends and family, clergy, or even other mental health professionals who don't work with domestic violence may recommend marriage / couples' counseling.  Community groups may even facilitate couples education classes inviting disaffected couples in the hopes that they will be able to mend their relationships.  But few are actually skilled at handling abuse specifically and the knowledge that follows isn't generally known by the well-intentioned public. 

Unfortunately, couples counseling tends to have the opposite effect when domestic violence is involved, and actually has been recognized to put the victim at increased risk of harm, death and even divorce - divorce might not seem like a bad thing, except that victims are often financially dependent on their abusers, have limited support systems, and may not have the emotional ability or strength to simply transition out of an abusive relationship to providing for themselves and their children independently.  Additionally, separation or divorce can put her at risk of stalking, or even child abduction from the former partner or retaliation against others who help her.  When a victim leaves their abuser, their risk for harm and even death increases dramatically in retaliation.

The reality is that abusive behavior is the choice, actions and responsibility of the batterer.  Typically the thinking of the predominant aggressor in treatment is that they were responding to the abusive dysfunctionalities of their partner - i.e. they needed to engage in abuse to control her, her abuse was just as bad, they were both abusive so it's okay, they were out of control and therefore not responsible for their behavior, the alcohol or drugs made them do what they did, what they are doing isn't as bad as what their parents did and therefore what they are doing is okay, "this is just how the world operates" - any number of thinking errors that absolve the abuser from the fact that he made a choice to abuse. They are usually successful at convincing others around them that these are the case as well to build a coalition against the victim to sanction and justify the abuse.

Unfortunately, by the time domestic battery has taken place in the relationship, the abuser has spent a lot of time working to convince the victim that she is to blame for her abuser's behavior, and that she is partly responsible for being abused as well - and under the stress of the relationship, and as a victim in an attempt to feel some semblance of control in her life, and with high levels of codependent need to protect her abuser - the victim will begin to believe it also and lose a sense of her own reality and protections and fail to see the full scope of the danger she is in and what is happening to her.  The abuse becomes normal, and seemingly-less-severe abuse gets minimized against the backdrop of other more severe abuse, and then becomes tolerated, accepted and even expected.  Sometimes the victim will finally "snap" and retaliate against their abuser or try to provoke what she know is coming to have some sense of control and predictability in her world, or even try to defend themselves and then find themselves being arrested for battery.  This will be used to show that "she's crazy" and the abuser will then justify that he needed to protect himself from her and further destroy her psychologically for what's essentially an expected and unsurprising response on her part.

Combine this together in a counseling setting where a non-domestic-violence-therapist is going to be receiving input from the couple on what the issue is - the therapist isn't going to get a straight picture of what is happening in the relationship.  (More on this in a moment).

Additionally, the most common and yet devastating abuse a victim will endure is mental and emotional abuse and the actual physical component is the smallest part of the abuse cycle - less than 1% of the entire time she is being abused.  The physical violence tends to be the crowning event of abuse, and the rest of the time with various tactics being used to remind her of what could happen to her if she doesn't comply with his wishes (threats and intimidation). 

This being said, much abuse is actually invisible to the public or to friends and family - and it's designed to be.  Many abusers report "testing the waters" to find out how much they can get away with, and getting their abuse to have the maximum effect on their victims with minimum effort and they don't want to get caught and go to jail - so they become experts at hiding it or getting others to sanction it.  Many abusers have reported even being able to condition their victim so that he can shift in his chair in a certain way right in the middle of a crowded party such that he can send a message to her of "you know what's coming".  He can send a lot of his non-verbal clues when he's becoming angry that preceded her being harmed - i.e. breathing changes, playing with his ring, a certain look, cracking his knuckles....any number of things that as a victim (who is traumatized) has learned to recognize precede the abuse, and are going to have a devastating effect on her psychologically and even physically...and he gets away with it right in public - which achieves the psychological damage of isolating her right in front of friends and family where she can't even ask for help.  She would be labeled as "crazy" for identifying what he was doing, and him shifting in his chair isn't admissible evidence in court regardless that it's being used to send a message to threaten and intimidate, and is easily denied by the abuser - further devastating her that she's experiencing a nightmare and isn't believed.  Further the abuser will often cite that "it only happened one time" (you only have to experience trauma one time to develop PTSD) to further deny and minimize the impact of his behavior on her.

Which leads us back to the therapists couch and office as a couple.

Unfortunately, for the victim, sharing vulnerable thoughts and feelings usually put her at risk for all types of exploitation and abuse.  Many abusers will make a mental list of vulnerable feelings and issues so that he can harm her with them or embarrass her later - often in front of friends and family or children in an attempt to cut her off from social support or esteem, making it more impossible for her to ask for help.  This combines to actually make the therapist's office a very unsafe place for the victim - literally a physically and emotionally dangerous place for the victim.  Not just because she can be sharing emotionally vulnerable feelings, but if she expresses something the abuser doesn't like in the office about him or their relationship or her perceptions about the issues, he will often "make her pay" for it after the session, physically, sexually, or emotionally.   Even more, going back up to most abuse can be done in public and among friends and family, changing postures, a look, a glance, shifting in his seat and so on, can all be done surreptitiously right in front of the therapist and further abuse her without it even being caught further contributing to the experience of isolation and helplessness. Or if through the process of discussing her feelings, she begins to actually become agitated and share pent-up feelings in the session, the abuser will often make her pay the penalty afterwards for embarrassing him or "telling lies" in the session (or however he chooses to spin it).  Also remember, there are often children, pets and other family members involved in these scenarios who can also be at risk for various types of retaliation.

Abusers rarely admit the full scope of their abuse, and certainly aren't to be expected to fully disclose their abuse to a therapist, even if they are mandated to treatment and have been sentenced.  "Regular" clients rarely fully disclose their issues to a therapist, so it would be entirely unreasonable and unrealistic to expect someone with criminogenic thinking who is hiding their abuse to be transparent in an attempt to resolve an issue. This is one reason when treating clients, a copy of the police incident report for the instant offense is required so that the therapist can get something other than the abuser's minimized and uninsightful account of the events to work with.  It isn't going to be safe for victims to disclose issues either, and their perceptions are going to be distorted as a result of the abuse - so forming a regular "treatment plan" is likely to be inaccurate, harmful, and even be exploited by the abuser in terms of things she has to work on to please him and contribute to a relationship he's actively destroying.

When we're dealing with the high probability of even sexual abuse in domestic violence (accepted to be around 60%) - and the scope and spectrum of sexual abuse goes far beyond rape - even some couples' therapies that are aimed at intimacy / sex will further victimize the victim.  Sex is often used to cover up or make up for abuse, it may itsself be abusive, or may precede abuse.  Essentially, couples treatment is unsafe for the victim and becomes yet another place where the victim is further abused but now with the unwitting sanction of the mental health community who is "supposed to" be able to recognize and help these things.  

So what to do as a therapist when you discover or suspect domestic abuse in the relationship?

There are a few realizations that need to take place at this juncture.

First, this is where the therapist actually needs to be careful.   Going back to the fact that therapy is actually a dangerous setting for a domestic abuse victim - it's going to be important to avoid sanctioning the abuse by minimizing it, or, putting the victim at risk by setting up a conflict that can result in her being harmed or exploited after the session.  It is also important to realize you aren't going to be getting the full picture from the clients, and this issue is going to go much farther and deeper than the clients may admit or even realize for the reasons listed above.

Second, is realizing that this is not going to be solved as a couple.  The victim is not to blame for her abuse. She does not share responsibility for being abused, and she is not responsible for his behaviors.  She does not need to fix herself in order for him to stop abusing her - it's not her fault.  Most often, as abusers become accountable for their own actions, identify their own thinking errors, and behavior patters, become accountable to their partners and learn healthy communication patterns, and engage in the required mental health care, couples counseling is unnecessary.  Also, this is going to take years to straighten out the damage, mistrust and trauma.  My experience is that it can take 3-6 months for an abuser to begin to recognize / be accountable for the fact that he is actually abusing someone else, and another 3-6 months after that for him to begin to be able to articulate and recognize the abuse he has used in the past and that have become a part of his personality up to this point and its impact on his victims.  Even after that point victims may have a decade-plus or even a lifetime of healing to take place for them. 

The third is to recognize that forensics and dealing with criminal behavior is it's own specialty that requires years of training, exposure and experience for the clinician to begin to recognize the reality of what they are dealing with - just like any other specialty in mental health.  The clinician is going to be played by the abuser.  Many have told me of the delight they took in getting the clinician to side with them against their victim right in the therapist's office before they ever were held accountable by domestic batterer intervention.  Criminal thinking and manipulation is not one we are generally adept at identifying in our world to the nuance and degree which it is practiced by the abuser.  Recognizing not only that the therapy setting is dangerous for the victim, but that having a second or even third set of experienced and practiced eyes to help keep your clients safe is key and it might be necessary to terminate treatment, make another recommendation for treatment, or involve other agencies.  Remember also that the family is likely to have a distorted perception of what's taken place as well as a result of a number of reinforcing factors not the least of which is the spin that the abuser himself will put on the situation.  Even family members may have a vested interest in denying the abuse for a number of reasons (children may feel as though they are betraying the abuser and are especially vulnerable to retaliation).  When you come upon domestic violence, or suspect it is going on, as they teach us in school: Consult! Consult! Consult!  An experienced and skilled domestic battery counselor will not only be able to give a deeper perspective on how to evaluate the full scope of the issues and make recommendations on how to proceed with the clients as a therapist, but will also be familiar with community resources specifically devoted to the needs of the family / couple.

In the end, what I've described above is pretty depressing and may seem extreme and out of the ordinary, but unfortunately by the time offenders are sentenced to treatment, these histories and behaviors are more the rule than the exception and we don't want them to progress any farther.   We have to remember that "harm is harm" and "abuse is abuse" - there isn't really a hierarchical categorization of "good harm" or "bad harm", or "good charges and bad charges".   We need to be diligent, sensitive, thoughtful and have the client's best interests in mind as well as their and everyone else's safety.  At the first sign of abuse, we need to be taking the appropriate steps to protect our clients and gather information so we can respond as will be most beneficial to protect those who can't protect themselves.

But the bottom line is that domestic violence is not a couples' problem or marriage issue.  It should be consulted on, and if possible evaluated by a clinician specifically trained, experienced and skilled at handling and recognizing the dynamics of domestic violence and family abuse.

There's unfortunately no silver-bullet for stopping domestic violence, and despite our best efforts, we know much abuse is going to continue on behind the scenes and outside of our awareness.  But at the very minimum we need to do our best to make sure our own therapy isn't putting clients at risk, and make sure we are consulting, being informed and engaging in best-practice to help those we serve.  

LGBTQ Rights and Therapists Rights: Tennesee Law

In 2016 Tennessee passed a law (Senate Bill 1556/House Bill 1840) that allows a counselor who feels their patient's values conflict with their own religious values to refer the patient to another counselor - commonly interpreted as being an attack on the LGBTQ community.

The American Counseling Association (ACA) CEO was outraged, condemned the law, and then pulled the ACA conference from Tennessee and moved it to San Francisco.

As counselors, we have to set ourselves and our values aside however to serve the people we serve.  That's why we do what we do - counseling isn't about us or our beliefs but about our clients.  Any counselor who doesn't know this and doesn't follow it isn't going to be in business very long, nor are they going to be very effective. 

But I think this is bigger than just the LGBTQ community or the ACA's views.

To me, as a counselor, I found it very contradictory that the ACA's CEO discussed how wrong it was that a therapist would drop a client because they don't agree with their views and then in a similar act, pulled out of Tennessee for their conference because they didn't agree with Tennessee's views. That would have been the perfect time and place to hold the conference and discuss the issues and share the professional concerns and enlighten people - but no - it was a thrown away opportunity.

There was nothing in the law that compels a counselor to drop a client, and I wonder if some religions would actually prohibit someone from treating someone with an alternative lifestyle. 

But this is deeper still.   Whenever we're dealing with client issues and doing a diagnosis we need to look into cultural concerns and family values as a part of the diagnosis.   That's a diagnostic game-changer very often, depending on the cultural and family and religious values.  Cultural issues and geographical issues need to be taken into account as well with both legislation and counseling techniques - whether you're on a Native American Reservation, serving in a non-western country providing services, or dealing with a very foreign culture that has moved to the United States.

Right now within the US there have been a number of high-profile lawsuits financially ruining bakeries for refusal to bake wedding cakes for gay couples weddings on religious grounds.  The Southern culture is under attack as being backwater and outdated, their flags are being labeled as racist, their historical memorials are being forced to be taken down,  and there are religious lawsuits where children are being forced to learn about religions that run counter to the generally christian religions that are dominant in the south.  Right now, clearly, Tennesseans don't feel a whole lot of religious freedom and feel their way of life is being assaulted and felt the need to protect it legislatively, and apparently the counseling field was the place they felt the needed to start.

This still leaves it up to the individual counselor as to whether they feel they can treat someone if they feel their religion conflicts and let's ask honestly - would a client want to be treated by someone who can't do this on such a sensitive topic?  Or any topic?   I know I wouldn't.  It's all about "fit" and even competency.

In summary, I don't know many of us who are anxious to drop clients because their values don't line up with ours - very few of my clients' values line up with mine considering I work with sex offenders and domestic batterers - but I came into the field to help others not just hang around with people whose lives are the same as mine.  I do know that forcing people to treat people they aren't a good fit for isn't a good idea either for both the therapist or the client.

In the end I'm not really certain that the law changed a whole lot for us as counselors or for our clients because I believe most of us (I hope) wouldn't drop a client on this basis.  There are aspects of counseling I would require some time, reflection and personal consideration before I undertook the job so I could make sure I was in harmony with my own values and was able to provide the best service to my clients - I try not to recklessly take positions or put myself in situations that won't serve either of us.  But the ACA's reaction and outrage demonstrated a lack of insight into the issues that states are feeling confronted by, current events, as well as was contradicted their own message, and massively missed an opportunity to teach and educate.

Hopefully the counseling field and those who represent our professions can take a better approach and view to future controversies,  and not miss opportunities to teach and reach out in the future.

Girlfriend Texting Suicide - Michelle Carter and Conrad Roy III

In a recent high-profile case, a then-teen girl has been sentenced for texting her boyfriend to kill himself while he was in the middle of the act of asphyxiating himself with carbon monoxide in his vehicle. 

Currently the debate swirls around whether or not we are free to speak what we want - including telling others to kill themselves, and other people are responsible for their actions - including killing themselves.

I'm not going to speak on all the legal technicalities of the history of this case, but will write on the mental health and behavioral health considerations which I deal with as a domestic violence counselor.

One of the things abusers and manipulators become very skilled at in domestic violence and even sexual abuse is abusing without even touching someone.

With sexual abuse, you do not actually have to touch someone in order to sexually abuse them - exposing yourself to them alone can and does constitute sexual abuse in many many cases.  It can be traumatic and be used as a threat.  Making lewd comments and suggestive sexual remarks is prosecutable in the work-place, school environments and even within families.  Individuals may struggle with their own sexuality and their relationships be affected long after the fact from these types of behaviors. 

But in a non-sexual context, abusive words and suggestions can be just as damaging and are often used to destroy others psychologically.  Words can be used to threaten, intimidate, devalue, demean, create hopelessness, helplessness, fear, and any other number of negative side effects for the victim - think bullying as well.  Usually in domestic violence, the actual physical violence part is but a very small part of the abusive pattern and situation.  Usually words and looks and physical postures are used to reinforce the idea and message that the victim is helpless, defenseless, worthless, and that it is best for her to submit to the whims of the abuser in order to "control her life" to avoid further harm.

That being said, words are recognized and researched and have been shown to to be very damaging and do have and can have an impact on others.

Even the Stanley Milgram experiment explored the role of authority and perceived authority on human behavior.  Though participants in the study weren't forced to "harm" the others in the experiment, the participants succumbed to perceived authority and complied with things that they otherwise found morally objectionable.  The Nazis, for example as a high-profile, historical example knew these principles very well and used them to build and control the 3rd Reich, in combination with all the other abuses they used.

This being said, the fact is, we impact others with our behaviors and our actions and don't have to use a gun to do it.  We very rarely do and abusers know this fact very well - go to any prison and you will find the inmates have figured out how to control others without actual physical force and are very skilled at it. 

And we need to not only know this but take responsibility for it in our personal lives.

We do not have to hold a position of police officer, military general, or president of the united states to influence others.  We all have some degree of influence on and over others in all areas of our lives, whether we want to admit it or not, and whether someone is emotionally troubled, vulnerable or exploitatable or not.

The role of girlfriend?  That holds significant power.  Significant influence.  So the argument that she didn't make him do anything completely dismisses the role of her relationship to him, the power and influence she held in his life, his psyche, his heart, his emotions.

If one of my clients who has been convicted for domestic battery had engaged in this behavior, the courts would recognize that they were re-offending and again engaging in abusive behaviors and legal consequences would follow.

So the notion of her texting him really doesn't diminish her influence -we live in a social media age where people fall in love, propose, set up dates, respond to jobs - all via text.  People get upset over things written on facebook as well.  Stalkers harass, threaten, intimidate via text as well - so to say that texts hold no power is absolutely untrue. (Part of the story talked about her texting from a number of miles away, as if that is any different from texting one mile or one block away....she was still communicating in the role of a trusted and close relationship).

I'm always leery of when abusers blame medication, drugs or alcohol for their behaviors. One of the questions I ask my clients is, if the drugs and alcohol or medication were to blame, why didn't they assault a police officer, or go engage in sexual relations with a farm animal (or some other repugnant act).  I routinely get told "I didn't want to get killed by the cop" or "I was high but not THAT high."

Well....then you had control and this was still a choice, you were still aware of what you were doing.  Why wasn't she texting others to kill themselves as well?  Probably because she knew it wouldn't work. But that's just speculation but an interesting question that helps us get a better view of her choices and behaviors.

So her attorneys did try the"prescription medication defense" but I view it as am excuse...blaming.

The point being she was using her position as his girlfriend and talking to an emotionally vulnerable child to help facilitate him killing himself.

I might look at this differently had she called 9-1-1 or notified people of the danger he was in but that wasn't present indicating that this was deliberate though not very intelligent in that she left a trail of texts behind her that were going to implicate her ultimately.

So whether she was mentally culpable or not, this would still not be someone you would want running around free in society and who knowingly influenced him to kill himself or she wouldn't have been sending the texts she was to help influence and persuade him to death.

Words and relationships have power, and when you are telling someone to continue killing themselves when they are already clearly off balance, you are now responsible for your role and influence in that and every other setting.

Even as a mental health counselor I am legally obligated to recognize my influence and even power in the lives of my clients in my relationship to them.  Whether I have training or a higher degree of legal responsibility doesn't matter so much as the fact that yes, words, and text, and all other interactions and communications do affect people, educational degree or not.

And we, and she, and the court system, need to recognize this and act accordingly and hold people responsible for these things.

Until we do...we're going to keep having a lot of the problems we do in society with an ineffective legal system that confuses lethal and harmful abuse with "free speech."

The one thing I would also say as a counselor working with abusive relationships is that I don't believe for a second her role with him in terms of abuse was confined to those texts.  There were other things going on with her as well that led up to this and that's typical and common in these scenarios.  I didn't see the defense of "this was just a one freak thing" used, but experience has shown me that is never the case. 

If one of my clients made the assertion that "I tried to help her....and then urged her to commit suicide" I would not be any less concerned than if they simply urged someone to commit suicide.  The previous actions don't undo the final actions or lessen the impact or outcomes.  For the record, most abusers see themselves and portray themselves as helpful and kind people so it's not surprising that an attorney would take up this defense as well and try to play to the "good" she supposedly did before he killed himself and she urged him to do it.

And to anyone who engages in any sort of abuse, I would also say, whether you're rehabilitated or taken responsibility for your choices or have apologized, you still have to live with this the rest of your life.

You will always be the person who once did these things.

They will always have been your victim.

They will always have once been harmed by you.

That will never change.


In closing - here's a video of a teen suicide that nobody forced but yet a series of influences led to. We are all vulnerable or can be made to be so.  We need to use our freedoms (including speech) responsibly and not to harm, and be accountable for what we do.